Written in the Stars
By Anne B. Walsh
The song's not mine, but I thought it fit the situation well.
2 November, 1981
She was vaguely aware that she was dreaming, and knew this was the first step to waking up. But there was no point in waking up. Waking up would mean having to face the truth.
The truth was that James and Lily Potter were dead, and that Sirius Black had betrayed them. Two of her best friends in the world, gone forever — and the man she loved was responsible.
So there was no real reason for Aletha Freeman to wake up.
She was wearing something flowing and red. It covered the piano bench she sat on and caressed her arms as she played. She didn’t even really know what she was playing — only that it was sweet and longing and terribly sad. Her dark fingers covered the white and black keys in a symphony of images.
"Hello, beautiful," said a voice. She looked up.
Sirius was leaning on the top of the piano. "Why so sad?" he asked, reaching out to caress her face.
She flinched away. "You’re not real," she said sharply.
"Well, neither are you. That’s the point of dreams." Sirius smiled suggestively. "They let you do things you can’t do in reality."
"That’s not what I mean. This part of you isn’t real. The part that loved my music. The part that loved me. It was never real, any of it, was it?"
"Of course it was real," Sirius said soothingly. "Why would it not be?"
"Traitor," Aletha spat, though her heart was screaming No! "You sold us out, Sirius. You sold out Lily and James. And you killed Peter and twelve innocent people. How can you expect me to believe you ever really loved me?"
Sirius winced and looked away. "I suppose there’s no point in telling you I’m innocent," he said quietly.
"No. No point at all."
"You’re not likely to be bothered with me in real life," he said sadly. "With me in Azkaban and all. But I had kind of hoped I could still dream of you." He looked back at her. "I guess not?"
Instead of answering, Aletha played a chord with her left hand, then a series in her right. She lifted her hands from the piano, which repeated the sequence on its own, stood up, and began to sing.
I am here to tell you
We can never meet again
Simple really, isn’t it
A word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing
Where or how or why or when
You think of me
Or speak of me
And wonder what befell
That someone you once loved
So long ago, so well
She had moved around the piano and was standing in front of him. Now he reached out and took her hand. "One last time," he said before she could pull away, and took over the song.
Never wonder what I’ll feel
As living shuffles by
You don’t have to ask me
And I need not reply
Every moment of my life
From now until I die
I will think
Or dream of you
And fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confounded
Out of hand
He pulled her against him and held her close. She could feel his voice vibrating his whole body, and it felt so good...
Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time
Or some god’s experiment
In which we have no say
In which we’re given paradise
But only for a day
"You are a criminal," Aletha said, tearing herself from him. "And I can’t love you any more." No matter how much I want to. She took a breath.
Nothing can be altered
There is nothing to decide
No escape, no change of heart
Nor any place to hide
Sirius looked at her with passion in his eyes, the same passion she’d always loved in him.
Oh, you are all I ever want
But this I am denied
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts
I wish I’d never learned
Oh, how I wish it... They sang it together.
What it is to be in love
And have that love returned
Aletha’s breath almost failed her as she took the last chorus.
Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just some stretch of mortal time
Sirius joined her, for, she thought ironically, probably the last thing they’d ever do together.
Or some god’s experiment
In which we have no say
In which we’re given paradise
But only for a day...
She couldn’t stand it any more. His eyes. They begged her to believe. And she wanted to, so much...
Sobbing, Aletha fled the dream.
But his voice followed her. "Remember this, Letha. I love you. Forever."
"NO!" She woke herself screaming. Shaking, she ran to the bathroom and collapsed on the floor, crying uncontrollably.
Damn you, Sirius Black.
I don’t want to love you any more.
But I can’t help it.
I can’t help it...