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Heads I Win, Tails You Lose
A Wicked Bet
By Anne B. Walsh
Author Notes:
"What Is This Feeling?" was written by Stephen Schwartz, and yes, I know there's one line near the beginning that isn't quite right - I didn't want to get into who Nessa is, so I edited a little.
Harry stared at his face in the mirror. "Remind me never to make a bet with Fred and George again," he said.
"That’s funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you." Draco shook his head irritably. "How do girls stand having this much hair?"
"They get used to it. At least you don’t have to wear the makeup."
"Excuse me?" Draco gestured at his blue eyelids, his triple-length-and-thickness eyelashes, his rosy cheeks and lips.
Harry glared back. Speech was unnecessary.
"All right, you’re wearing more than I am," Draco conceded after a moment. "Matches your eyes, though."
"If you weren’t always off snogging Luna, I’d start wondering about you," Harry muttered.
xXxXx
In the drawing room of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, the Weasley twins had set up a small stage, and were now standing in front of it, rigged out in moth-eaten dress robes they’d found in the upstairs closets. "Ladies and gentlemen," Fred said into his wand.
"For your delectation and delight," George took over smoothly.
"And because they can’t help it..."
"Mr. Harry Potter..."
"And Mr. Draco Black..."
"Are proud to present..."
"A piece from the latest magical musical..."
"Which may not reach the Muggle world for years, if ever..."
"Which is a shame, since it’s so good..."
"The story of one of our most famous literary brethren..."
The twins swung their wands upwards, and a poster unrolled from the ceiling, done in green, black, and white. "Wicked," they said in unison.
The small audience, most of the Order of the Phoenix, applauded.
"They will be singing ‘What Is This Feeling?’" Fred announced.
"With Harry in the role of Elphaba," George finished. "And Draco taking the part of Galinda."
Aletha snorted. Molly Weasley frowned and leaned over to Danger. "Those sound like girls’ names," she said.
"I think that’s the point," said Danger as the curtains parted.
Harry glowered at the audience from one side of the stage. His face was painted green, his hair was in a thick braid over one shoulder, and he wore full black robes and a hat. Draco, on the other side, wore a sleeveless dress of white and cream, setting off his shimmering fall of wavy blond hair. He posed, looking demure, then blew a kiss to the twins, now sitting in the front row. "Dearest darlingest Momsie and Popsical..." he falsettoed.
Harry sucked air through his teeth. "My dear father..." he said without bothering to alter his voice.
Music came up from under, and both boys began to sing, Draco returning to his usual tenor range.
There’s been some confusion over rooming here at Shiz
Harry looked sidelong at Draco.
But of course, I’ll get around it
Draco twirled on a toe.
But of course, I’ll rise above it
Their voices combined again.
For I know that’s how you’d want me to respond
Yes
There’s been some confusion
For you see, my roommate is...
Draco stepped closer to the audience, hiding his mouth from Harry with one hand.
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe...
Harry looked straight at Draco.
"Blonde."
The music played a little trill, then picked up speed. Draco turned exaggeratedly to Harry.
What is this feeling
So sudden and new
Harry stared at Draco.
I felt the moment
I laid eyes on you
Draco clapped a hand to his chest.
My pulse is rushing
Harry clutched his temples.
My head is reeling
Draco placed his hands on his cheeks, opening his eyes very wide.
My face is flushing
Both boys dropped their affectations and faced each other squarely.
What is this feeling?
Fervid as a flame
Does it have a name?
The two closed in on each other as the music grew in intensity.
Yes!
They were face to face.
Loathing
The audience howled.
Unadulterated loathing
Draco pouted, running a finger down his own cheek.
For your face
Harry stuck his fingers in his ears.
Your voice
Draco touched Harry’s robes with a fingertip and jerked back, appalled.
Your clothing
Both boys faced front.
Let’s just say —
On the beat, they looked at each other with faces full of hate, then turned back to the audience.
I loathe it all!
They spun and began to stalk around one another in a circle.
Every little trait, however small
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl
With simple utter loathing
Harry stepped away, leaning towards the audience as if telling a secret.
There’s a strange exhilaration
Draco copied him on the other side of the stage.
In such total detestation
They turned towards one another again on the held note.
It’s so pure, so strong
Step by step, they closed the gap again.
Though I do admit, it came on fast
Still, I do believe that it can last
They sang the last two lines into one another’s faces.
And I will be loathing
Loathing you my whole life long
Harry twisted away as the rest of the Pride poured out from backstage, surrounding Draco and cooing over him in song. Hermione patted her twin’s shoulder.
Dear Galinda, you are just too good
Meghan had her fingers against her mouth in horror.
How do you stand it? I don’t think I could
Luna shook her finger at Harry.
She’s a terror, she’s a tartar
Ron and Neville scuffled for a moment over who should hold Draco’s hand.
We don’t mean to show a bias
They settled on one for each side, while Ginny pressed her hand to her chest in sympathy pain.
But Galinda, you’re a martyr
Draco stepped forward, pulling away from both Ron and Neville, and spoke to the audience. "Well—" He adopted his high falsetto again.
These things are sent to try us!
The Pride began to circle Draco, singing and casting revolted glances at Harry.
Poor Galinda, forced to reside
With someone so disgustigified
They formed up behind him, on the other side of the stage from Harry.
We just want to tell you — we’re all on your side!
They continued to sing, while Harry and Draco took their own melody.
We share your loathing
What is this feeling, so sudden and new
Unadulterated loathing
I felt the moment I laid eyes on you
Harry and Draco returned to their circle, and the Pride formed a larger circle around them, the two circles revolving in opposite directions.
For her face
Her voice
Her clothing
My pulse is rushing, my head is reeling
Let’s just say —
Both circles stopped, and everyone faced the audience.
We loathe it all!
Oh, what is this feeling?
The Pride backed up into a line across the stage, while Harry and Draco moved to the corners nearest the audience.
Every little trait, however small
Does it have a name?
Makes our very flesh begin to crawl
Yes...
Both groups joined in a wordless swell of song, and then the word...
Loathing!
The Pride repeated it, while Harry and Draco kept singing their own parts.
There’s a strange exhilaration
In such total detestation
It’s so pure, so strong
Harry and Draco began to walk as the Pride echoed them.
So strong!
The boys eyed each other distrustfully as they changed corners.
Though I do admit, it came on fast
Still, I do believe that it can last
And I will be loathing
For forever loathing
Truly deeply
Loathing you
The Pride joined them in harmony.
Loathing you
Harry and Draco raised their hands to the audience.
My whole life long!
The Pride began to bunch up near the center of the back.
Loathing, unadulterated loathing...
Harry whirled suddenly. "Boo!" he shouted, half at Draco, half at the Pride.
Draco squeaked, and everyone broke and ran as the music ended.
The audience applauded wildly. Draco skidded to a halt and ran back out on stage to take his bows alongside Harry. They split to let the Pride come forward and bow, then bowed again together. Then...
"Get ‘em!" Harry yelled.
The audience was treated to a second show, as the twins sprang to their feet and spun around, only to panic as they realized they were still where they’d started. They barely made it out of the room ahead of Wolf’s and Snow Fox’s teeth.
"You know, we could have just stopped this, instead of what Harry and Draco asked us to do," Remus remarked.
"Nah," Sirius disagreed. "They made the bet, they have to pay. Besides, putting Anti-Disapparition on the twins and letting the four of them fight it out is more fun."
Somewhere down the hall, a twin yelped in pain. Various crashes and bangs, Wolf’s startled howl, and another human yell followed.
"More fun, is it?" Aletha inquired. "And how much fun will it be cleaning up whatever they’ve just broken?"
"On my way," Sirius said hastily, rising.
Danger chuckled. I notice you’re in no hurry.
Remus leaned back in his chair. Why should I be? Boys are boys, love. No magic can change that.
Oh, I don’t know. Draco makes a pretty convincing girl...
Author Notes:
Listening to musical soundtracks and writing fan fiction obviously shouldn't be mixed.