Strophe posted a comment on Tuesday 11th February 2014 7:54pm for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

Ah... <3

This is the first time we get to hear Danger's voice, and a tiny bit from Neenie, too. I know you've been accused of making her a bit Mary-Su like, but I disagree completely. Danger is impulsive, has a quick temper, and, although this is less important, her magic isn't that strong. Their quick attraction is mutual, so she isn't the kind of sterotypical 'throw-myself-at-a-man' type. She worries about her reputation, which strikes me as a little shallow, especially in this chapter. I mean, to move, just because your neighbors don't like you that much? That would be excessive.

This is coming out much more negatively than I thought. I love Danger - she's one of my favorite characters, after Ron and Draco. But I like them because you write them in such a real way. Danger is wonderful: she cooks very interesting things, she's witty. I love how great she is with Harry, and the other cubs later on. The way she knows what he needs is so effortless in this chapter. I'm so sad for them.

OH! Also, you have a wonderful ability with - I'm not sure what word to use - allegory? metaphor? Either way, Remus' dream, while a little cheesy, is exactly the type of cheesy that I love with chips and salsa. That's exactly how they are feeling, and that is what depression feels like. Like drowning, and being alone, and even when it starts to get better, it takes work and time. Very moving.

The Imaginatrix posted a comment on Saturday 8th February 2014 9:49am for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

Poor widdle Harry! *hugs again* That always twists my heartstrings into knots. It's the third time I've read that scene and I still feel his terror like I'm right there with everyone.

Remus's dream, as I said on FFN, was awesome. I like the raft-and-river analogy. :D

And the cuteness between Danger and Remus was...well, cute. Not to mention the concepts of true-dreaming and latent magic. What you did with the HP world was wonderful. You expanded on what was already there, and the result is a marvelous spin on the storyline. Sure, you would call it a "tell" in the "Legendbreakers" world, but let's not pick over tiny details.

nancypunkin posted a comment on Monday 12th August 2013 11:54am for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

The build up between Danger and Remus is just so wonderful. The way they context do quickly and honestly.. It's beautiful.

Ali posted a comment on Monday 2nd January 2012 8:59pm for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

Neenie is so serious! It's terribly cute - and then to fall asleep on Remus' shoulder? This chapter makes me grin at the mental image.

Wolf550e posted a comment on Saturday 1st May 2010 2:32am for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

Hermione's speech: Hermione is ten months older than Harry. Harry is 21 months old, so she is 31 months old. At two and a half, a gifted girl like Hermione would be speaking fluently in complex sentences, and possibly learning her letters.

Fiermancer posted a comment on Monday 22nd March 2010 2:29am for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

Yep, my first guesses were correct, I'm enjoying this a lot so far.

PrayingForMercy posted a comment on Friday 31st October 2008 5:24pm for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

Young love! Woo. The scene with Neenie asleep on Remus' chest was so cute.

Rob-girl posted a comment on Saturday 26th July 2008 8:55pm for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

Haha, that ending was very cute. The beginning of the chapter, and the end were very different, and I liked that. My favourite part of this chapter was when Remus was talking to little Hermione and then when she fell asleep on his shoulder. I really hope that Remus and Danger get together soon! Great work!

CodeRomance posted a comment on Wednesday 16th January 2008 3:33pm for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

oh its perfectly good! stop fighting it! lol great chapter! oooh i love it! this is an amazing story and i've only read 3 chapters! oh well!

CodeRomance

Wistful-Stargazer posted a comment on Monday 19th November 2007 4:05pm for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

*SQUEE* Too freaking cool, Neenie's sister is a witch! I love this story, and with it being rated for teens, I can actually allow my 13 yr. old daughter to read it. =D

Jim Starluck posted a comment on Thursday 22nd February 2007 6:16pm for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

I am strongly attracted to that woman.

And that’s not good. For either of us.

Ah, Moony...if you only knew.

But then again, even when you've got a couple who work as well together as these two, love is still a dangerous thing...

=P

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd August 2006 2:05am for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

Very good, I like where this seems to be going.

gunny

Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Saturday 29th July 2006 10:01am for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

This was recommended to me by a friend who insisted I read it. Now I understand why. Absolutely fantastic chapter. I was a little worried by the OC nature of this but Danger is interesting and definitely not Mary-Sueish so my worries are over. Great stuff.

Sterling posted a comment on Sunday 4th June 2006 7:08pm for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

Not sure I like the nickname "Danger" for a muggle clerk. Hopefully you have a bit of a background on that one. I also am not to sure about how you have Remus and Gertrude starting to fall for each other so quick. Prophetic dreams are a bit of a crutch when it comes to writing. I would advise against over-using them. Other then that it was a decent intro and has me interested in seeing where you are taking this.

AK posted a comment on Monday 1st May 2006 6:50am for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

I tried calling Social Services, but they’re backed up for months, and unless he’s in immediate danger, they don’t want to hear about it.

--> really?

Chris1 posted a comment on Sunday 26th March 2006 12:02am for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

So, that IS Hermione :D hurray for my guessing abilities :D

Wonderful developments, I'm off to read the next chapter. :D

Mickey posted a comment on Wednesday 15th February 2006 6:42am for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

I've seen this story before but it didn't look like anything I'd want to read. However since it was good enough to go on this site I decided to read it and I wish I had sooner.

I did think Harry's reaction was overdone and I'd expect them to go to Child Protective Services with that but still a very nice story so far.

Mickey

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Friday 10th February 2006 1:15pm for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

Ch.4 - - It is so sad to think about Harry at this age. It probably was like this. Makes me want to write a scene where the Dursleys are treated badly. But I'm not that kind of guy.

But I do like ot think about Ginny and or Hermione punching Vernon.

I've always wanted Remus to have someone.

Thanks for that.

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Friday 10th February 2006 9:44am for Chapter 3: Castles in the Air

Ch.3 - - I am totally snared. This is a pulse racing chapter.

I like the construct you are draping around the canon facts to create something new.

Fine work!