Maybe
Chapter 5
By Anne B. Walsh
Chapter 5
Sirius wasn’t expecting to sleep that night, but he would have appreciated some quiet time to rest. However, it seemed fated not to be.
They haven’t allowed me any visitors at all for three months. Why the hell are they changing the rules tonight?
And why for him?
"You may leave us," said Cornelius Fudge pompously to the Auror who was standing guard nearby.
"Yes, sir." The Auror departed.
"For an ex-Minister of Magic, you seem to have a lot of pull around here," remarked Sirius.
"Not ‘ex’ for much longer, Black." Fudge smiled rather nastily. "Your ticket back to Azkaban is my ticket back into office."
Sirius got himself under control just in time to prevent gaping at the other man. "How nice," he said instead. "And just how will ruining my life further your career, exactly?"
"Your life deserves to be ruined," snapped Fudge, fiddling with his bowler hat. "All those other lives you ruined — you ended — make you deserving of nothing else. And what about your godson, whom you kidnapped and mistreated, or that poor woman you deceived into marrying you, or the child you fathered and abandoned?"
There were two possible reactions to this, Sirius thought in some distant, rational corner of his mind. One was to become furiously angry and try to refute Fudge’s ridiculous litany. That might be fun in some ways, but it would only feed into the image of him Fudge wanted to see. So he chose the other path.
He laughed.
He laughed as hard as those statements deserved to be laughed at, which was very hard indeed. He called up images of Pack-life, of typical days in the Den, and compared them to what Fudge had claimed.
Mistreating Harry indeed. The only thing he was ever in danger of was being spoiled, and the other cubs took care of that. And if anything, Aletha conned me into marrying her. Oh, and I’d love to know how I abandoned Meghan when she fell asleep in my arms the night before this all started...
"Do you actually believe all that?" he asked when he could speak again.
Fudge frowned. "I do. And the jury will, tomorrow."
"And if I say it’s a load of hogwash?"
"You’re obviously lying. You have no case, no evidence, no witnesses—"
"Because no one’s ever given me a chance to get anything together," said Sirius, feeling his temper rise a bit. "I haven’t even been allowed to write to the people who might testify for me."
"Your friends, I assume?" Fudge looked smug. "A werewolf, and the clearly unstable woman who married him? Not to mention the even more unstable one who tied herself to you? Or perhaps your children? Oh, but I suppose no one’s told you — they were sent to their relatives, or to foster families."
"They could still testify," Sirius argued. "Three of them are ten years old, that’s old enough to testify in court."
"No, no, my dear fellow, you don’t understand." Fudge looked to be enjoying this, and that made Sirius a bit worried. "We couldn’t burden their new families with these poor damaged creatures that you and their other so-called caregivers have been warping for so long. No, the children were — treated — before they were released. I think you’d find, if you spoke to one of them, that he would treat you as quite a stranger, and cling to his new, and certainly far more loving, parents."
Treat me as a stranger? Why? Wait —
Oh no.
"Tell me you didn’t Obliviate them," he said quietly, trying his hardest to keep from begging and knowing he wasn’t succeeding. "Tell me their memories weren’t modified."
"Oh, I’d love to, but I try never to tell lies." Fudge brushed a bit of lint off his robes and rose. "I must be going, I have a great deal to do before tomorrow — it’s been such a pleasure seeing you, Mr. Black. I’d wish you luck for tomorrow, but I doubt it would do you any good."
Sirius didn’t answer. As if in a dream, he heard Fudge’s footsteps recede down the hall.
The cubs — my cubs — Obliviated...
They won’t know me. They might even be afraid of me.
Everything we’ve ever done together, all the time we’ve shared, our whole lives just — gone...
He had promised he wouldn’t give up.
But four of the people for whose sake he had promised no longer existed, in any real sense of the word.
Might this be a good time to break his promise?
No. His resolve returned with a rush. No. I won’t let them have that too.
Maybe they took my cubs, but they can’t have me too.
He quickly uncapped the ink and dipped his quill.
Every condemned man deserves a last request. I’ll ask them to post these for me.
Letha has to know.
xXxXx
At Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a hidden suite of rooms was being explored.
"This is lovely," said Aletha, poking her head out of the bathroom. "We really could stay here indefinitely."
"We may have to," said Remus, stepping out of one of the bedrooms, where he had been arranging his few possessions next to Danger’s. "But there are worse fates than being trapped at Hogwarts."
Aletha nodded. "How is she?" she asked, joining Remus in the doorway of the bedroom, where Danger lay apparently asleep on the double bed.
"Her mind and soul are... elsewhere. That’s the best way I know how to put it. I could go with her if she needed me to, but she says she does this best on her own, and I see no reason to doubt her."
As if on cue, Danger stirred, then stretched and yawned enormously. "Eight hours," she said, sitting up. "So if I do it now, or soon, I’ll be recovered in time to run operations tomorrow."
"That’s excellent," said Remus, sitting down beside her on the bed. "I was afraid you’d be out for a day or more."
"Well, I’m getting a ‘good works’ discount," said Danger with a straight face.
"BS," said Aletha good-naturedly.
"You got me. What it really is, is that I got some advice about what I need to ask for and do to pull this off with a minimum of effort."
I don’t want to know, Aletha told herself. I really don’t want to know.
Except that she did.
"Advice from whom?"
"Friends. The same people I negotiate this with — though it’s not really negotiating, since using the magic just takes this toll on me naturally. What they do is help me figure out what I should and shouldn’t do with it — what laws I can break and which ones I really shouldn’t." Danger sighed. "It’s a long story. Ask me next den-night."
"So what, exactly, are you going to be doing that’s impossible?" asked Remus, moving around to Danger’s other side and beginning to rub her shoulders.
"I’m going to have fifteen seconds’ worth of three abilities, all related to Apparition. One, I’ll be able to Apparate anywhere, even places where you usually can’t."
"Such as Hogwarts," said Remus.
Aletha grinned. "Or the Ministry holding cells."
"Bingo." Danger grinned back. "Two, I’ll be able to Apparate blind, to a place I don’t know. And three, I’ll be able to Side-Along-Apparate a person my own size — bigger than me, actually — without danger of us getting splinched."
Remus chuckled. "And thus Sirius Black disappears — again."
xXxXx
Sirius paced around his cell. He was tired, but for obvious reasons, he couldn’t sleep.
What father could sleep after learning his children don’t know him anymore?
And, of course, there was that trial thing too.
He had finished his letter to Aletha and placed it, along with all his other letters and all the notes and story fragments he’d penned over the last three months, in a box one of the Aurors had supplied him with. She had promised she would post it herself if he were found guilty. It resided now on the small table in his cell, just in case he wanted to add anything to it at the last minute.
No. I think I’ve written just about all I need to.
He smiled ruefully. Wonder how they’ll react when they find out the real identity of Valentina Jett. Should I tell them at the trial or not?
He shook his head. If I do, they’ll confiscate the royalties. As it is, Letha can keep collecting them, so I haven’t left her with nothing. He smiled again. No one can ever say I didn’t do my duty by my family.
Exhaustion was catching up with him at random moments, forcing him to lie down and catnap until fear and worry jolted him awake again. One of those moments overtook him now, and he stumbled to the bed and collapsed on it.
His last thought was wistful.
If anything is going to happen... this would be a good time...
xXxXx
He roused for a brief moment, disoriented. Someone was sitting on his bed, and a small warm hand was wrapped around his wrist. "Huh?" he said intelligently.
"It’s just me," said a quiet voice.
"Oh." He let his eyes close again. It’s all right. It’s just Danger.
That’s odd. I feel funny. Like I’m being squashed. That happens sometimes when you’re about to fall asleep, though...
The bed was a lot more comfortable than it had been a moment before. The room was warmer, too.
The weight on the bed was removed, and a moment later, replaced with another, on the other side. Sirius took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, savoring the scents in the air.
Something baking. Something sweet, with a lot of spice. Gingerbread, maybe.
And something is nice and warm against my back. In very specific places.
He turned over, opening his eyes, and met a pair of knowing, amused brown ones, set in a dark face with contours so well known he could have seen it in his sleep —
I am seeing it in my sleep. I have to be dreaming.
"I told you we’d get you out of there," murmured a musical voice. A long-fingered hand slid under his shirt, caressed his chest. "I’ve missed you."
"I’ve missed you too." Dammit, if this is a dream I don’t ever want to wake up...
A sudden sharp pain in his forearm brought the room into sharper focus.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"Just trying to help you out." Aletha smiled alluringly. "You’re not dreaming, Sirius. This is real. I’m real. You’re here, safe, with us."
Real. Safe. Not a dream...
Sirius eschewed thought for a moment in favor of crushing Aletha to him and kissing her passionately. When he released her, though, one question came to mind first.
"How?"
"Danger did it. I’m not quite sure how, but she seems to have developed the ability to do just about anything. Once. Then she collapses for a while — eight hours, in this case. But it works out. She pulled you out of there without a trace, and brought a big intriguing box with her—"
"You’re kidding. She saved that thing?" Sirius sat up to see that sure enough, his box was sitting on the desk in the room. "Don’t read those letters, they’re utterly sappy."
"That’s exactly why I will read them. But tomorrow." Aletha’s hand returned to its place under Sirius’ shirt. "For tonight, I have something else in mind..."
Since being on a bed in very close proximity to the most desirable woman in his world, after three months of separation, had the same thing occupying a great deal of Sirius’ mind, he didn’t take much convincing.
Afterwards, they rested in each other’s arms and talked.
"I never gave up," Sirius told his wife with a bit of pardonable pride, reveling in having her close again. "It was damn hard sometimes — not even being able to hear from you by owl — but I never let myself give up." He swallowed. I have to tell her. "But I felt like it tonight, when I got a visit from Fudge."
"Fudge visited you? What on earth for?"
Sirius growled. "He came to gloat. To tell me that I was his ticket back to power. And he told me something else."
"What?"
"The cubs." How could he tell her this? "He said... the Family Services people..."
"Obliviated them?"
Sirius exhaled in guilty relief. "You know, then."
"Yes. I’ve known for months. Draco and Meghan were sent to Andromeda, Sirius. She’s a Healer. Not only did she figure out what was wrong with them, she managed to reverse it."
Sirius sat up in shock. "Reverse it?"
"Yes." Aletha sat up as well, smiling at him. "She was able to reverse the Memory Charm. Draco and Meghan know who we are, they remember everything. And we know where they are, and we’re going to get them tomorrow or the day after. We know where Harry is too, and we have a good lead on Hermione. We’re going to get them back, love. And Andy thinks she can help Harry and Neenie too." Her hand ran through his hair. "We’ll be the Pack again. Just like we were before."
Sirius allowed himself to fall backwards onto the bed in relief. Half of the horrid images that had been tormenting him — Meghan shying away from him in fear, Draco staring blankly at him — were gone. The ones featuring Harry and Hermione were still there, but he could ignore them more easily now.
I trust Andy. She knows what she’s doing. We’ll have our cubs again. Soon.
"Where are we?" he asked suddenly, realizing the room was unfamiliar.
"Hogwarts. A guest suite, near the kitchens, with a passworded door — the portrait is of a woman in yellow, and the password’s ‘chocolate chip,’ just in case you need to get in by yourself." Aletha draped herself over him. "I think this is Dumbledore’s way of apologizing for not being able to get you out of there sooner. He says we can stay as long as we need to."
"Huh." Sirius thought it over. "There are worse places to be stuck than Hogwarts."
Aletha laughed. "That’s what Remus said, almost exactly."
"Where is he?"
"In one of the other bedrooms, probably asleep by now. You’ll see him in the morning."
"Do I have to?"
"Well, I suppose you could stay in here and hide under the covers."
"What a good idea." Sirius slid underneath the sheets, tugging Aletha under with him.
After three months, once wasn’t nearly enough.
xXxXx
Harry lay awake, clutching his lion and staring into the darkness. He couldn’t sleep. His stomach hurt. And the click of the latch on the outside of his door was still ringing in his ears.
"I’ll teach you to get Dudley in trouble at school," Uncle Vernon had snarled, shoving Harry towards the cupboard. Harry hadn’t tried to fight back, since the one time he had, he’d been left with a set of bruises that didn’t fade for two weeks. "No meals for you, boy. Not until tomorrow’s dinner. Now get in there."
Harry turned onto his side and curled up, closing his eyes. One tear slid down his face and onto his pillow.
Maybe I can tell the counselor. Maybe she’d believe me.
But I’d still have to come back here after school, and Uncle Vernon would know...
No, the best thing to do was just to keep everything the way it was.
Life might be bad, but it could always get worse.
Besides, there were good things in his life now. Like his special dreams.
Harry shook his head slightly, then stopped, as the movement made him feel dizzy. If dreams are the best thing in my life, that’s not good.
Still, he hoped he would have one of the special dreams tonight. They always made him feel better.
They were never quite the same, but always similar. He had a different home, not the perfectly neat and almost sterile house on Privet Drive, but a big comfortable house on the outskirts of a village, where things sometimes got messy and nobody cared, as long as it wasn’t in their way. He had not just one mother and father, but two of each, and a brother and two sisters as well, and a best friend who was always ready for an adventure...
Maybe I shouldn’t want those dreams anymore. They don’t help anything. They just make me want something I can’t ever have.
But he couldn’t bring himself not to want the dreams.
He was being like Annie, Harry thought drowsily. He knew there wasn’t really much chance of anyone ever coming to take him away, but he couldn’t help hoping...
xXxXx
Jane White lay in her bed, curled up around her lion, her eyes glinting in the moonlight. The bed next to hers was empty. Amanda, who used to sleep there, had been adopted today.
I’ll never get adopted. No one wants a freak like me.
She squeezed her eyes closed hard, but one tear still escaped, dropping onto her pillow.
Maybe I’ll have the good dream tonight. The one where I have a family.
She thought of dream brothers, both her own age and horrid pests but also her best friends, and a little sister who looked up to her so trustingly; of a woman who looked much like her and a man who smiled at her proudly; of a woman who laughed easily and often and a man who told stories and tickled; of friends who always wanted to stay at their big, friendly house a little longer...
Another tear joined the first.
At least I can’t hurt anybody in my dreams.
xXxXx
Meghan lay asleep, her lion tucked by her side, her eyes moving under her closed lids.
She was dreaming of her mother singing to her.
Betcha he reads
Betcha she sews
Maybe she’s made me
A closet of clothes
Maybe they’re strict
As straight as a line
Don’t really care
As long as they’re mine...
xXxXx
Draco sat cross-legged on his bed, playing softly on his recorder.
So maybe now this prayer’s
The last one of its kind
Won’t you please come get your baby...
Maybe