Vivens cum Pericula
Chapter 4: Curse
By Anne B. Walsh
"Wait a second," said James Potter, shaking his head. "Let me get this straight. You met her in Diagon Alley and invited her to tea. Within five minutes, she’d told Aletha about your furry little problem and got Sirius to blab about us. And she works for the Malfoys. What exactly makes you think she’s trustworthy?"
Remus shrugged. "Just a feeling, I suppose. But Dumbledore was supposed to meet with her sometime today, to check her out. You really think he’d let anything slip past?"
"He has," said James darkly. "We all have. You know that."
Remus sighed. "Yes. I know. But that makes having our own spy — another spy — even more important. And Peri’s in a position to overhear plenty."
"Or to feed us all the false information Voldemort thinks we’ll swallow," James retorted. "If I didn’t know better, Moony, I’d say you like her."
Remus couldn’t quite mask his guilty blush.
"Well, how about that! The fuzzy celibate finally deigns to come down off his pedestal and mingle with the mere mortals in affairs of the heart!" James peered at his friend. "Wait, this isn’t the same girl Sirius said you were staring at a few weeks ago, is it?"
Remus glared at him. "Yes."
"Oh-ho-ho, and does she know that?"
"Know what?"
"That the first time you saw her, you couldn’t keep your eyes off her pert little..." James wiggled the pertinent portion of his anatomy.
"Please don’t do that," Remus said, averting his gaze. "It’s very disturbing."
"But you don’t mind it when the Malfoys’ maid does it?" James dropped his teasing manner. "Moony, have you thought about the consequences of this? I mean, she lives in the same house as Lucius ‘I-Never-Saw-A-Woman-I-Didn’t-Want-To-Get-With’ Malfoy."
Remus turned his head. "Have you thought about calling him that to his face?"
"Maybe if I ever have a death wish. But I mean it. What do you think the odds are that he hasn’t already made at least a pass at her, probably more?"
"I really don’t want to think about that, if you don’t mind."
"Remus, I mean this." James came around to stand in front of Remus. "I’m not saying don’t be interested in her — if you are, if she’s interested in you, if everything works out, then damn the Bludgers and full speed ahead. But there are going to be problems. I just don’t want to see you get hurt."
"Thank you, James." Remus clasped his friend’s shoulder. "But please bear in mind, I’m not Harry. I’m a big boy now. And I know what I’m doing."
"Do you?" James asked quietly. "Do you really?"
"Do any of us, really?"
"Point taken. Just... be careful, all right?"
"I will."
xXxXx
"So, do I pass?" Peri asked lightly.
She and Albus Dumbledore were sitting in a private parlor at the Leaky Cauldron, a mostly untouched tea between them. Ray slept in his baby carrier in a corner. Dumbledore had been asking her questions, inviting her to do the same, and finally, with her permission, using Legilimency on her.
"I am not sure." Dumbledore picked up a few crumbs of biscuit and ground them finer between his fingers. "Your mind is a very unusual one, Miss Grant. Are you aware that your memories are oddly fragmentary?"
"I am. I have some knowledge of what exactly happened to me, though."
"May I be privileged enough to receive that knowledge?"
Peri nodded, putting her thoughts in order. "I was married once," she said. "And very happily married. I had a family I loved dearly and good friends. And then, through a strange series of events, I was given the chance to make their lives immeasurably better if I would simply walk away from them. It was not a trick, not a game, but a real offer. And I took it."
"More things in heaven and on earth, Horatio?"
"Yes, that’s it exactly." Ray’s sense was starting to rouse. Peri shut her eyes for a moment to send him soothing, quieting feelings, and he settled back into sleep.
"You look quite young to have been married before."
"I am twenty-one. It was a short marriage."
"Really," said Dumbledore in a very bland tone that nonetheless conveyed the slightest bit of warning in it.
Damn it. "What do you want to know?"
"Your memories may be fragmented, but they have a very clear sense of time passing. More time than twenty-one years. And some of them involve people I know, but who do not look the way they do in your memories. Yet. Have you traveled through space, time, or both?"
"Both," Peri admitted. "My marriage, and my first life, were in a different world than this."
"But similar."
"Yes."
"How old are you, really?"
"This body is twenty-one, but I believe I was about thirty when I made my decision. The details are blurred. By my own wish."
"So you originally occupied another body?"
"I don’t know. I have no memory of dying, or of being placed in a different body, but I know that I look different now than I originally did. I know that I am younger than I was. This could be my original body, altered for the purpose, or it could be a different one. Whichever you like."
"I see." Dumbledore poured himself a cup of tea and offered Peri one.
"Thank you." Peri accepted the cup and blew on it, then took a sip.
"And the purpose of your being here is...?"
"The people I loved in my own world also exist here. I originally intended to be a sort of nameless benefactor to them, to make them happier without ever letting them know I was here. But..." Peri looked into her tea.
"But you realized," Dumbledore finished for her, "that you are a human being and not a guardian angel."
"Yes."
"Had you ever thought that perhaps the easiest way to make happier those people whom you once loved and, I assume, still love, is simply to exist and be yourself?"
Peri smiled wryly. "Go on, rub it in. I probably deserve it."
"I do beg your pardon. Rubbing it in was never my intention." Dumbledore sipped his own tea. "May I ask if the man exists here who was your husband in your original world?"
"He does."
"And you know his identity."
"I do."
"And do not wish to share it."
"Not particularly."
"Very well. But, if you will forgive my curiosity, why the Malfoys’ son?" Dumbledore looked toward the corner where that little boy slept before returning his gaze to Peri.
She met it squarely. "Because he deserves a chance. No other reason than that. I have no leanings toward Dark magic, no loyalty to Voldemort, and every intention of telling you all that I learn from listening in the Malfoy household. I trust that you will not compromise me by using information that only I could have supplied, or that if you must use it, you will give me enough warning that I can get out of harm’s way in time. Are you satisfied, Headmaster?"
"Miss Grant, I am." Dumbledore extended his hand to her. "Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix."
xXxXx
Ray bounced in through the door of his rooms and shouted happily. "Mama!"
Peri smiled as Narcissa rose from her chair and dropped to one knee to embrace Ray much more naturally than she had a month ago. "Hello, Draco," she said to him. "How was your day out?"
Ray said something in reply, to which Narcissa nodded gravely, making Peri laugh a bit. "You two look perfect together," she said. "You could pose for adverts."
"No thank you," said Narcissa dryly, standing up with Ray on her hip.
"I didn’t say you should, just that you could. How are things here?"
Ray squirmed. Narcissa let him slide to the ground. "Lucius is becoming excited about something he will do tomorrow," she said quietly. "I have not been told his plans, but I doubt it is anything good. Will you and Draco be here?"
"We were actually hoping to go out again," Peri said, sitting down at the table. "That’s probably all the better an idea if Mr. Malfoy has something going on. If it goes badly, he’ll be in a foul mood for a while, and we’d do better to be out of the way. If it goes well, he may want to celebrate, and I’d just as soon not be here."
"Understandable." Narcissa allowed herself a small smile. "I have a small entertainment of my own to pursue, so I too will be absent most of the day. By the by, have you made any plans for exposing Draco to other children his own age?"
"Not yet. Things are so unsettled right now, and I don’t know who to contact, or how."
"I can help you with that. Several of Lucius’... colleagues have children. And, of course, as long as you are not seen, what you do when you leave this house is entirely up to you."
They continued talking until a small ornamental knob on the wall suddenly began to glow with a faint golden light. Peri broke off in the middle of a sentence and stood up. Narcissa did the same. "You’re sure he is not ill?" she demanded.
"Perfectly, Mrs. Malfoy. Children often sleep in the middle of the day, there’s nothing to worry about."
"Very well. Keep me informed." Narcissa turned and left the room.
The knob slowly lost its glow, and Peri could allow herself to fall into her chair and laugh. Narcissa appeared again in the doorway. "You had to make it seem as if I didn’t even know that children take naps?" she demanded, hands on hips.
"I’m sorry. It was all I could think of." Peri got herself under control. "I’ll have a better story next time."
"See that you do." Narcissa turned and stalked away with mock-affronted dignity.
Peri sighed and sat back in her chair, listening to the sounds of Ray rummaging in his toy chest. Something was bothering her.
Lucius is going out for funsies tomorrow. No big whoop about that, though I should tell the Order. But why do I feel like it’s so important...
She sat bolt upright.
Today is 16 August. That’s why. My God, that means my last chance is tonight...
Her childhood and young adulthood memories remained with her, but at a distance, as if they were stories of another person’s life. Still, she knew that she had loved her parents dearly, and they her, and that if she came into contact with them she might very quickly come to love them again, though she had grown used to not having them there.
It certainly happened that way with some other people I could name. She thought of the two tiny vials in her bag, each labeled with a name, which she would use on the first of September for two very specific purposes. But I can’t let it happen with them. Not now, not like this.
But at the same time, I don’t want them to die! And without me there, there’ll be no one to take care of Neenie. She’ll go to foster care, or to a home. I can’t let that happen.
So tonight, I go all-out to convince a couple of Muggle dentists that tomorrow would be a nice day to take the afternoon off and go for a drive...
xXxXx
The Death Eaters who broke into number seventeen, Privet Drive, the next day, were disgusted to find the house deserted. "Nothing doing here," grumbled one of them. "What’re we supposed to do now?"
"Oh, do use your head, man," said another impatiently. "This street is full of Muggles. We can find others."
"Oy, look here!" called a third from the front windows. "There’s a pair of old ones getting into a car right now, down the street a bit!"
"Perfect," said the second speaker with a cool chuckle. "Shall we, my friends?"
xXxXx
Lily Potter was playing with her son when her husband Apparated into the living room. "Dada!" Harry yelled, running to his father.
"Hello, James," Lily said, standing up. "What’s wrong?" she added when she got a look at his face.
"Tell you in a second. Yes, hello, Harry." James kissed his son’s head. "You go on and play now. Daddy and Mummy need to talk."
Harry ran to the toy box in the corner and began tossing things onto the floor. "What’s wrong?" Lily repeated, moving in for her own hug. "Is everyone all right?"
"Come... sit down with me." James drew her over to the couch. "Lily, I don’t know how to tell you this. I’m so sorry. It’s your parents."
"My parents?"
"They were visiting your sister. Just as they were leaving, their car was ambushed. Death Eaters. I’m sorry."
Lily distinctly felt a lump of ice lodge itself under her breastbone and grow until it filled her chest. It made every breath a struggle. "Both of them?"
James nodded.
The ice shattered. Tears came hot and fast to her eyes. Her parents were dead. Harry would never remember his grandparents now. She would never be able to ask her mother for advice on raising girls when she and James had a daughter, never again listen to her father’s schemes to reconcile his own daughters. They were dead, and she was never going to see them again...
She was sobbing into James’ shoulder, tears mixed with curses. "I hate them," she heard herself say. "I hate them all. May they live in pain and die in despair and see everything they ever loved destroyed in front of their eyes. Them and their whole families. Damn them all."
Ordinarily, she would have been horrified by her words, or by the fact that she meant them, but she was beyond caring.
"Why?" she begged her husband, her son, the world at large, as the tears came faster and drowned her thoughts and feelings in a sea of grief. "Why?"
But she knew no one would ever have an answer for her.
xXxXx
Lucius Malfoy sat up in his chair, looking around intently. For a moment, he had thought he was not alone.
He winced as a twinge of pain went through his right shoulder. Odd. I am not as young as I was, but wizards seldom suffer from Muggle diseases of old age before they are at least sixty years old, and I am far from that yet...
On a hunch, he stood up and picked up his wand, and cast a complicated spell on the mirror hanging in the corner. Now I will be able to see if any magic affects me.
He stared astounded at the image revealed to him. A curse. And a skillfully laid one at that. Pain and despair and death, and not only to me...
xXxXx
Peri, chasing Ray around the nursery, nearly ran him over as he stopped suddenly. "What’s wrong, love?"
Hurts. Ray rubbed his shoulder.
"Well, we can fix that. Come here, let me kiss it better." Peri scooped him up and planted a kiss on the offending part. "And if that doesn’t work, I can always tickle the pain away!"
Ray shrieked as Peri’s fingers found his most ticklish spots.
xXxXx
And I thought my foes were above striking at the innocent. Lucius smirked. Pity I don’t have time to find its caster and turn it back to its source.
But I also have no time to find another possible recipient and have it transferred. I must take other measures to deal with it...
Lucius raised his wand again, pointed it at himself, and began to speak an incantation. This was a spell of delay, one which would not try to break the curse, nor to move it, merely to keep it from taking effect for some time. He was using the most potent form of the spell, which would delay the effects of the curse for seven years.
I think my Master should be able to help me remove it by then. Or I can find the caster, or another willing victim, and remove it myself.
He sighed pleasurably as the dark green curse traces in the mirror vanished. All that was left now was his own magic and his Master’s, intertwined around and through him like two snakes. For what am I, if not my Master’s creature? Serving him is greater honor than freedom could ever be.
xXxXx
"Better?" Peri asked when Ray could breathe again.
Yes. Play more now.
"What do you say?"
Pleeeeease.
"That’s more like it."
xXxXx
In a cheap lodging house, Igor Karkaroff slept, unaware of the curse which had twined itself around him and was even now working deeper into his flesh.
He would live just long enough to see it fulfilled.
xXxXx
"I was very sorry to hear about Mrs. Potter’s parents," Peri said to Remus as he let her in the front door of the house on Devil’s Face Road on 1 September.
"If you’d care to convey your sympathies yourself, she’s here."
"No, I think I’ll spare her a stranger’s meaningless platitudes." Especially a stranger who might have caused her parents’ deaths. Mr. and Mrs. Evans had almost undoubtedly been killed by the same people who would have killed the Grangers if they’d been home.
Remus shut the door behind her. "I doubt anything you do is ever meaningless," he said. "Hello, Ray."
Remus! Ray shouted happily.
Peri winced. Out loud, Ray love, she reminded him. With your mouth.
Ray pouted. Hard.
I know. Why don’t you try "Moony" instead?
"Mooey," said Ray very distinctly, and bounced in Peri’s arms proudly.
Remus actually took a step back. "And where did that come from?" he asked in shock.
Peri set Ray on the floor. "I heard Sirius use it to you in the Leaky Cauldron," she invented quickly, "and when Ray got frustrated trying to say your name, I suggested that instead. It’s easier for him, it seems. I hope you don’t mind."
"No, not at all. It was just... I occasionally get the feeling that you can read my mind." Remus looked intently at her as she straightened up. "Or that you know things about me that I don’t even know about myself."
"Well, if I do, I’ll endeavor to tell you about them." Peri took one of Ray’s hands, and Remus took the other. "Which way are we going?"
"Straight back. Alice Longbottom is here with her Neville, and Harry, of course. They’re both about Ray’s age, so I dare to hope they’ll get along."
"They’ll probably ignore each other except to fight over toys," Peri predicted. "But one never knows."
"No, one never does." Remus ran a finger along Ray’s small knuckles, smiling. "One really never does."
xXxXx
Aletha rubbed her temples wearily. She’d spent too much time that day playing, but the three little boys were just too cute to ignore. They were a tangible, living reminder of the reason that Aletha and the rest of the Order were fighting this war — so that they don’t have to grow up and do it.
And one of them was supposedly the child of the enemy. That was so strange to think about. Little Ray might look like his father, but he was all boy, running and shouting and laughing just like the other two. She and Remus and Alice had taken turns being monsters for the boys to alternately chase and be chased by, and though she’d known she had work to do for her classes the next day, she hadn’t been able to leave...
"Letha?"
"In here." Aletha turned around in time to see Sirius’ outline fill her doorway. "What’s going on?"
"Not a hell of a lot." Sirius rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I just got off patrols."
"You must be exhausted."
"Well, not exactly. You busy?"
Aletha was about to say yes when she stopped. There was something in Sirius’ voice... "I might be," she said. "Who’s asking?"
"Your very tense boyfriend. Who could use a session of tension relief."
Aletha looked back at her books indecisively. I really shouldn’t...
Oh, why not? whispered a voice at the back of her head. The world won’t end if you do poorly on one test. You deserve some fun. And Sirius does too. Go on, you know you want to.
She stood up. "Your place or mine?"
xXxXx
Peri breathed a silent sigh of relief. Good thing I got a bit of extra from her. I didn’t know I’d need to convince her like that!
Her three drops of blood — which had been four a moment ago — sat on the table before her, each in its own dish. A few other potions were within easy reach. Ray slept soundly in his cot nearby, tired out by his long playtime.
Now if I can just find a way to keep those boys in touch without Lucius knowing about it...
But that’s for later. This is for now.
She pulled two of the dishes closer and began the first incantation.
xXxXx
Sirius found himself relaxed for the first time in far too long. They’d done this before, but it had never been quite like this — the feeling of completion, of finding one’s missing other half. Of finding something that you never wanted to let go of.
So what are you waiting for? a little voice prompted. James found what he wanted, and he didn’t wait. And you can’t afford to wait. You’re in a war. What if one of you dies tomorrow?
But I’m not ready, Sirius objected. I don’t have a ring or anything...
Trust me, she won’t mind. She’s starting to wonder if you really care about her, or if she’s just a fling before you marry a proper pureblood girl.
Sirius shuddered. I’d rather marry a toad.
So tell her that. And then ask.
Sirius rolled over. "Letha?"
"Hmm?" She opened her eyes to look at him.
Sirius sighed adoringly. "Merlin, you’re beautiful."
"Why, thank you." Aletha let her eyes travel down his body and back up. "I regret I can’t say the same for you, but you’re not the most inspiring of sights when you’re undressed."
"Oy! You didn’t seem to mind it too much a couple minutes ago!"
Her eyes sparkled. "I’m teasing you, Sirius. You look fine. In fact," she moved closer to him and began to run her fingers over his chest, "I might go so far as to say that properly dressed and arrayed, you’re rather handsome. And just because you’re not much to look at without your clothes on, doesn’t mean..."
Sirius caught her hand in one of his own, brought it up to his mouth, and kissed it. "Don’t judge a book by its cover?"
"Something like that." Aletha continued work with her other hand.
"Well, since we’re speaking of covers." Sirius stopped. "No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, since we’re here and all..." He stopped again, releasing Aletha’s hand. "Damn it!"
"Just say it," Aletha said, now massaging his chest with both hands.
"Fine. Will you marry me?"
The hands froze in position. "What?"
"Will you marry me?" Sirius pushed himself a little away from her and sat up. "You know, dress robes, rings, I do..."
Aletha sat up as well, clutching the sheet to her chest and staring at him. "You want me to marry you."
"I think that’s what I said. Twice. Are you having hearing problems? I know a good Healer, we could get your ears checked tomorrow..."
"Stop it."
"Fine. Then answer me."
Aletha barely seemed to be breathing. "This is so sudden," she said almost to herself. "I wasn’t expecting it, at least not yet..."
"We’ve known each other ten years," Sirius said. "Granted, we couldn’t stand each other for seven or eight of them, but I think we’ve made up for that. And I really think we make a good team. I like having you with me. I’d like to have you there more often. As often as I can manage. I..."
He felt his face heat up, but he had to convince her. This might be his only chance. "I want kids, Letha. And I want them with you. I want to be able to tell the world that you’re my wife, the mother of my children, that out of all the blokes you could have had, for some reason I don’t even understand, you picked me." He grinned. "And as a side benefit, you’ll piss off Mother Dearest something awful."
"Oh, so that’s why," Aletha said dryly. "You’re going for shock value. Muggleborn, half-American, black girl — the most unsuitable candidate available — is that why?"
"No! God, no, is that what you think of me? No, Letha, I want you." Sirius moved closer and took her hand. "If I knew you were still you, I wouldn’t care what you looked like, what your blood was, where you came from — you could be a midget who didn’t speak English from some aboriginal village in Australia, but if you were still you, I’d love you. I do love you. And I want you to stay with me forever. If that’s what you want. So will you marry me?"
Aletha looked down at their two hands, his around hers, then up into his eyes. "On one condition," she said.
"Name it."
"Swear that you’ll never keep secrets from me."
Sirius frowned. "I don’t know if I can... I mean, if I get put on a case..."
"Oh, I don’t mean like that!" Aletha said impatiently. "I mean personal things. If you’re ill, if something’s wrong in your life, tell me. Don’t keep it from me." She looked away. "When my mum was ill, they never told me. Because they didn’t want to worry me." Her tone was bitter. "I don’t want love on those conditions. I’m not a hothouse flower, I don’t want to be sheltered. I want to face what you face. So I want you to swear that you won’t keep secrets from me."
Sirius’ first instinct was to agree immediately, his second to refuse. He grabbed them as they went by and looked at both of them.
I can’t just agree to get her to marry me. I have to mean it. And I can’t just say no because love should be unconditional — people aren’t perfect. And she does have a point. Life might be better if people didn’t keep so many secrets...
And what am I going to have that I can’t tell her, anyway? It’s not like I’m the spy for old Lord Moldyshorts or anything.
"Agreed," he said.
"Promise," Aletha pushed.
"I promise," Sirius said. "No secrets. Not unless they’re not mine to tell."
Aletha lifted one elegant eyebrow, just visible in the moonlight coming through the window. "Careful with your escape clauses, there."
"You know what I mean."
"No, actually I don’t."
"Well, do you expect me to tell you something James begs me to keep under my hat?"
"If I don’t tell anyone, what’s the difference?"
Sirius frowned, then felt at the side of his head. "Oh, good."
"Oh, good, what?"
"I wanted to make sure it wasn’t spinning."
Aletha slapped him lightly on the ear. "There, now it should be."
"Ouch," Sirius said. "Fine, I promise. No secrets from you."
Aletha sighed deeply, turning her head so that the moonlight caught her profile. "In that case... I accept." She brought her other arm around and pushed him down to the pillows. "And I should warn you that I plan on being a terribly domineering wife."
"As if I had any doubts."
She silenced him in time-honored fashion, and then there was no more need for conversation. Just them, and the night, and the moon. And it was very good.
Though, if they had only known it, they were not actually alone.
xXxXx
Far away, a woman slept, thinking she knew what she had done that night, when in reality she had done far more.
Ripples from a stone dropped into a pond do not stop growing, but spread.