By Anne B. Walsh
Reviews
Strophe posted a comment on Wednesday 26th February 2014 12:33am
This chapter gave me one of my first big shocks. Dudley was such a wonderful surprise! I can hardly think of canonDudley at all anymore, magical Dudley works so much better. With that - I'm not sure if this is right, but I've always enjoyed the image of the facebook notification "1" floating over Dumbledore's book. Very ahead of his time, lol.
I like the many celebrations they have here, so early on, too. That is a point that comes up with Sanctuary later, how important it is to celebrate and to have markers for the passing of time, and I've recently found it really makes a difference in my actual life. I do love when fiction teaches me things.
A note about the den-secrets: it has always really bothered me that the cubs never gave the secret away, honestly. Especially at this part, when Remus and Danger seem so sure that they won't, I don't completely buy it. It works for me, mainly, because they have no outside friends until they are old enough to give it away, but I always thought that either Meghan would, being younger, or that Harry would tell Ron, just because they were close. But I guess Harry does have the hero-complex. I just doubted that they could be so sure that young children wouldn't give it away.You make it work though.
Favorite image: playing Catch with Harry.
Strophe posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 2:37pm
I can't help but feel that the whole Hogsmeade trip was reckless of them. I mean, how can you gaurantee no one would go to those meadows? It hasn't really been a very long time since they were missing. And why didn't Letha just glamour her ring, or wear it around her neck? I do wonder what she told people about it.
But they do deserve a break, to celebrate the pregnancy especially. And it was a very sweet chapter. I love the way you worked in a description of the house.
Strophe posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 11:59am
I'm back! Sorry for the lull in reviews, I had a bit of a busy weekend. I missed them though!
I have always loved this chapter. The format is so fascinating to me; I wrote a number of short stories based on it when I was younger, actually. It's very true-to-life, the way musing as one writes a letter could go. I like it.
Also: glad they are officially a Pack now, so I can stop feeling slightly guilty that my reviews have spoilers, at least about that. I suspect they will continue to have a lot of spoilers. Although, I know the first time I read the DV, I certainly didn't stop to read reviews between chapters. Too intriguing!
Little bits that I loved (of course a little spoiler-y): Remus' certain tone, that really makes people want to listen to him. I'm pretty sure that gets mentioned again, and somebody said it of Dumbledore a few chapters ago. I remember noting it, and thinking it was another way those two are alike. Also, when Sirius smashes the mug, and they can barely hear it - you don't say as much here, but could it be that he tried a Silencing Charm, and was too upset for it to take? It's established later (much later) that Sirius has a problem with that.
I think Neenie is my favorite character in this chapter. The more we see of her, the better, in my opinion. She just has such a feisty little personality all her own. It would be so easy to write her and Harry together, always (i.e. the cubs were playing in a corner; the children were building with blocks, etc.), and you do that sometimes, but more often you find some way to differentiate them. It ensures that they are separate characters, and adds to the overall cuteness, definitely.
Strophe posted a comment on Friday 21st February 2014 4:40pm
I just love this chapter. I love that we get to see everyone, even if they are just glimpses. And I definitely love the photographs. You write happy family life exceedingly well. It's one of my favorite things about your writing. I'm like Dumbledore, oddly loath to stop reading. I do find it ironic that Dumbledore finds nothing morally wrong with spying on people, especially after he determines that they are doing nothing wrong. But, as he says, "business as usual." Also, I'm very jealous of the Pensieve. I hate that feeling of something you can't quite remember, and he just gets his confusion solved immediately.
Cynically, I have to wonder if Dumbledore didn't request Aletha so he could keep an eye on her and figure out if she knew where Harry was. There have to be other people he trusts in the Ministry (Arthur comes to mind).
Speaking of the Ministry, I love that you work politics into this story. So many writers (myself included) would focus entirely on the plot of our characters, and only work the rest of the world in when it was necessary. That you have the Ministry changes a part of the story from the beginning is a testament to your skill. I tip my hat.
Strophe posted a comment on Friday 21st February 2014 4:19pm
Oh, Sirius, you have no idea.
I love the repetitions of the wedding scene. I know every girl dreams of her wedding day, but Danger takes it a bit far! By the time she finally gets to throw it (*fingers crossed*), she's going to be able to tell everyone exactly what they should wear, where they should dance, and generally be as bridezilla-esque as she pleases. Which is exactly what she deserves - control in her life would probably be very welcome at this point.
I truly love that you show Dumbledore learning things and making realizations - so many people leave that out of fics. You don't have him as a wicked meddler, or as a bumbling fool - somehow, he is that revered wise man, and yet still human. It's wonderful. I really like that Danger gives him a taste of how he seems to others. I like, too, how he speaks much more formally when he's nervous. It's those little pieces that make the Dangerverse such a living world for me.
I did think the Rita Skeeter pieces could be nastier. I guess maybe she got worse as she grew older.
Strophe posted a comment on Friday 21st February 2014 12:38am
Lovely Chapter.
I did miss seeing the regular characters, but getting Dumbledore's perspective is almost worth it. The vitriol with which you write Petunia is just riveting. She is like a car crash - I wish he had remained longer, just so I could watch her spew her venom. I know people in RL just like that, and I wish they would be cursed, too. Just very ugly people.
I don't quite know the English-official name for the type of narration you use, but I adore it. Some of my favorite parts are the endings of chapters, or the very beginnings. The line "Expectations are such dangerous things" as a transition just works perfectly.
Strophe posted a comment on Wednesday 19th February 2014 3:44pm
Lovely Chapter.
Denning is such a great idea. And your line about excited and scared people being similar has always stuck with me. Very insightful.
Strophe posted a comment on Friday 14th February 2014 3:52am
As always, wonderful chapter.
You add so much to Sirius' characterization here. He's still so on-edge and frayed, maybe even moreso than the night before because he doesn't have swimming to distract him and its a little more real.When you have him say, "I used to wonder, you know. I used to think about when I’d start screaming like the rest, and now I know. It’s right now, this minute, because this can not be happening !" it is just perfect. The panic is so present, so boiling-over in the dizzying escalation from casual comment to hysterical screaming. Sirus' worries that Harry prefers Remus are also very in-character and come back again later, so I was delighted to see it in this chapter. But like Danger tells him later, Sirius is their grounding pin. Harry is so carefree and happy with him in this scene, its astonishing. I mean, its been less than 24 hours since he was rescued. I have to believe it is the way Sirius doesn't panic about Harry's appearance, but treats him normally, that prompts the toddler to do the same.
In other words, there is so much going on and you are amazing.
Strophe posted a comment on Friday 14th February 2014 3:29am
Finally, we get a bit from Sirius' perspective. Your Sirus is so wonderfully real. I've read fics where he is too noble and heroic, like people think that is where Harry gets it all from. The sort of Sirius-the-dashing-Auror type. There are others where he is just completely reckless and irresponsible - every father's nightmare of a boyfriend, inspired by the motorcycle. But I love the way you write him. I love how matter of fact he is - and he obviously doesn't stay that way, but it speaks to trauma so brilliantly. There are too many things going on in his life right now, or recently, and everything has to be very, extremely, painstakingly simple or his brain will unravel itself. You do get a quick mention of reckless Marauders in, though - that amount of drinking as a high school senior is a little shocking to me.
I loved them all comforting Harry, loved the gag on cursing the Dursleys to everlasting darkness. I squeed when the idea for denning was born - how could I not?
As a random note - I'm not a fan of the way the second half of the chapter is structured. (This is probably completely irrelevant criticism because none of your stuff has done that for years and years.) I like the idea of them all connected, but the constant breaks are really distracting to me. That could just be me, though.
I really do love how they are all connected - and the line about Hermione and logic is just absolutely classic!
Strophe posted a comment on Friday 14th February 2014 2:24am
Hi!
I should really probably be asleep, but I'm not. Poor Harry. Seeing him in the cupboard always makes me tear a little. Heck, just thinking about it does. He's so little, but I think you get across what he's thinking pretty well for all that. Ah, how terrible. He loves and needs the others already. It's wonderful, and heartbreaking, and I'm so glad the Dursleys get cursed.
Oh and when Danger thinks: "We’re going to be an interesting household, to be sure. A latent and untrained witch, a werewolf, an escaped convict, a Ministry witch with a double life, and two of the most powerful magical children in the country. " I just wanted to tell her, "You have nooo idea."
Cheers
Strophe posted a comment on Thursday 13th February 2014 10:29am
This is a chapter without too much action, but it is a very nice one anyway. We get to see Remus in an Alpha-ish role for the first time, calming Aletha when she starts to freak about all there is to do. And Remus and Danger have the first iteration of the long-running fight about what constitutes eavesdropping, and what just 'listening'.
Poor Harry = ( I feel so horrible for him right now. He has no idea how great his life will be in just about a month. For now, just when he got two more people he missed back in his life, he has to think they all leave him for awhile. Poor baby.
My favorite bit, of course, is this back-and-forth: "And then I get to adopt the dog. Or the dog adopts me." "Or the dog marries you." Such a happy mini-pack already.
Strophe posted a comment on Wednesday 12th February 2014 4:57pm
Two quibbles with this chapter: The first is sort of silly. I don't quite buy it that Neenie was silent throughout the entire morning. I know she is shy, but she's also a toddler. And she and Harry were so present earlier. We don't really get to see Neenie do much for a couple more chapters, and I think this could have been a great time to introduce her on her own. Although, this was a very dense chapter already, and you were already introducing Letha. I just love small cubs and would have loved to have seen more of them. My other issue is with the dream; was Lucius depicted as himself? All the other adults were, but Remus doesn't recognize him. Wouldn't he? I think he'd at least have seen him in a newspaper, and they went to school together for a little bit, I thought (although that could be wrong).
But those are tiny quibbles, and I love the chapter otherwise. Neenie is there, and I can picture for myself her meeting Letha. And I still love the raft metaphor, and how happy Remus is already. The inner monologues get a little shorter in places in this chapter, and I think that has good effect. I like the pronouncement-type endings as well, but Remus thinking of Sirius is just as good.
One great bit from this chapter: Aletha shredding her napkin when she learns about Harry and the Dursleys. It is such a tiny detail, but it tells you so much about her character (some of that might be me looking back, but it is at least consistent). Aletha has to be more worried about Harry than either of the other two, A) because she hasn't actually seen him herself, and imagination can make anything worse, and B) because she was closer with Lily and so has a better idea than Remus just how awful Petunia can be. But, being Letha, she doesn't like to make a production of her feelings, and tries to hide them from others. Pre-Alpha Remus notices of course. Just great stuff.
Strophe posted a comment on Wednesday 12th February 2014 4:17pm
Hi again,
There is so, so much to say about this chapter. I love the concept of the Diagon Alley post-office. It is the first of so many ways you show you've put real thought into the way Jo's world could really work. In all honesty, I think you've fleshed it out much more than she did (at least that she told us - she could always have more ideas that didn't make it into the books). But I do love the idea that you could rent an owl. It's almost like paying postage. And I always chuckle at the brief thought that Letha might have moved to America with her aunt, and Remus having to face an irate postmaster when his owl goes on a very long journey.
As to the dream - today it mostly made me sad, because there were no blonde heads there. I could have sworn that Draco and Meghan were there too, with Luna and Neville, but I guess I was wrong? Or maybe that was some other dream. I'm not 100% caught up to where the DV is in realtime, but I don't think Draco can be there. And now this is a litle sad.
On to the next one!
Strophe posted a comment on Tuesday 11th February 2014 7:54pm
Ah... <3
This is the first time we get to hear Danger's voice, and a tiny bit from Neenie, too. I know you've been accused of making her a bit Mary-Su like, but I disagree completely. Danger is impulsive, has a quick temper, and, although this is less important, her magic isn't that strong. Their quick attraction is mutual, so she isn't the kind of sterotypical 'throw-myself-at-a-man' type. She worries about her reputation, which strikes me as a little shallow, especially in this chapter. I mean, to move, just because your neighbors don't like you that much? That would be excessive.
This is coming out much more negatively than I thought. I love Danger - she's one of my favorite characters, after Ron and Draco. But I like them because you write them in such a real way. Danger is wonderful: she cooks very interesting things, she's witty. I love how great she is with Harry, and the other cubs later on. The way she knows what he needs is so effortless in this chapter. I'm so sad for them.
OH! Also, you have a wonderful ability with - I'm not sure what word to use - allegory? metaphor? Either way, Remus' dream, while a little cheesy, is exactly the type of cheesy that I love with chips and salsa. That's exactly how they are feeling, and that is what depression feels like. Like drowning, and being alone, and even when it starts to get better, it takes work and time. Very moving.
Strophe posted a comment on Tuesday 11th February 2014 7:17pm
Ah, the first of many cliff-hangers...
While I love everything you write, so I'm not complaining in the slightest, it's amazing to me how short these early chapters are compared with some of the later ones! You covered the revelation that Peter and Sirius switched Secret-Keeper roles, the start of Moony and Danger's romance, introduced Mrs. Dursley, and skated by a "Harry asks hard questions" scene, all in this one chapter (and I'm sure I'm forgetting a few things).
One of my favorite points is Remus' "It was bliss" coming right after the quick litany of the cereal fight. They are just so happy, all together, already. I've also always loved that Harry uses his head instead of his hand to point to Remus with "true toddler logic." It always seemed very Harry to me - the physical affection, the willingness to dismiss concerns in favor of fun and love. I know those are also just toddler things, but you have to admit, Neenie would probably consider it a bit longer. She was obviously younger than Harry was when her parents died (by a few months, but it matters when you are that young), but I think some of her early shyness comes from that. I picture it that way at least.
I also love the absolute immediacy of Danger and Remus' attraction. It's always been obvious how automatically in love they are, but I just noticed something else this time around: Remus finds out his friends thought he was the spy in this chapter. He's told this on his birthday, from a woman he doesn't know at all (yet), and on a day he's self-assessed as suicidal. Yet he doesn't dwell on this almost at all. He is "angry" and "bitter", but then Danger needs him and we don't hear about it again. He's wonderfully twitterpated.
Strophe posted a comment on Tuesday 11th February 2014 3:44pm
Hi!
I have read this story multiple times, and I decided that on this reread I want to comment on each chapter. Thus:
I adore this chapter. I can recite the first two sections completely from memory, I've read it so many times. It is the start of this wonderful story (and inspiration to a couple of others) but it also stands beautifully on its own merit. It isn't too fast; yes, a lot happens, but you would never guess at where the plot is going from this chapter alone, which I think is a really valuable thing. I love, also, the way you work Remus' inner thoughts so well into the story. The pauses are just long enough. For example, these two sentences: "Several loose parts of his world were starting to fall into place. Specifically, the 'Sirius would never betray Lily and James' part, and the 'Peter doesn’t strike me as the martyr type' part." They would take just long enough to think that I can picture Danger walking away to get the prophecy and coming back. Seamless. <3 I've always admired that about your work.
The Imaginatrix posted a comment on Sunday 9th February 2014 11:12am
"Feetie Fudge" still cracks me up. That prank was glorious. :D
The Imaginatrix posted a comment on Sunday 9th February 2014 10:48am
Little Draco is freakin' adorable. All the cubs are at this age, but Draco's so cute right now even with the flashes of his canon self that show up at this stage. He speaks so clearly most of the time and then a word like "bringed" makes me wanna go "Awwwwww" and hug him close.
And I loved how they kicked Lucy's butt in the dream (yep, I'm calling him that from now on because he deserves no respect).
Got too caught up to review for a while. :D
The Imaginatrix posted a comment on Saturday 8th February 2014 2:30pm
Those pictures were adorable, the ring was beautiful, Dumbledore was excellently characterised yet again, and the glimpses of everyone else who will join the Pride in the future were all sweet aside from poor Draco. *hugs little Draco close* Don't worry, precious dragonet. You'll be saved soon.
Strophe posted a comment on Friday 28th February 2014 12:44am